Hahaha (Just came across the Onion one and it reminded me of the PM one)
Speaking of giant hooks— one time I interviewed an FBI rescue diver and he said that dead bodies are recovered from the bottom of the ocean by a dive robot with a big hook attachment. Never forget that, everyone. I’m pretty sure I had to leave that part out of the story because it was supposed to be a feel-good piece, but that’s the most interesting tidbit that’s stuck with me!