Whoever’s in charge of naming paint colors—we need to talk.
Your friends are smart. They don’t get married.
I’ve substantially improved my quality of life by enacting my new policy of just breaking into a run when I’m stuck walking near someone having a super annoying conversation. You look crazy, but it’s a very small price to pay for your sanity. I do it all the time now.
As I was walking home these two guys were right behind me talking about cheese. I turned the corner onto my block thinking “Thank god. Now I can lose them.” But then sure enough, I hear “I like cheese as much as the next guy, but when is it really good cheese?” And I just broke into a run because they turned the corner too. I got some weird looks but it felt SO good to lose that cheese talk.
You can’t hide a massive, soul-crushing secret forever.
There are stalls in there so you can just go do whatever.
—Josiah, after I asked “How does the bathroom work?”