Fresh mode is my dress code

Shame exists to protect others from yourself.

I’ve pretty much had it with my upstairs neighbors. It’s a sweet, young little nuclear family but they are SO loud and inconsiderate I just can’t. The thing is, most of the apartments in NYC are old and not very soundproof. You’re always going to be hearing neighbor noises no matter what, and I can deal with that (sometimes it’s nice if you’re reading a scary story because then you know you’re not alone), but some people just go balls to the wall with being loud all the time and clearly not thinking about how unpleasant they’re making it for other people.

They have a little girl, and she’s adorable. When she first started walking and running around, you would hear teeny tiny little pattering and it was very cute. Soon though, she got bigger and now the running sounds like extreme pounding. It’s incredible, because it’s not a big apartment—where is she running to? I realize there’s plenty of judgement in the world to go around already for other people’s children, so I try not to be that person. Initially, I thought, “kids will be kids, oh well.” And then I started thinking “maybe they shouldn’t allow quite so much running indoors” because sometimes I’ll be trying to do work or have a migraine and it’s just a constant thunderous pounding from above that seems really unreasonable. And then yesterday I heard the mom say “I bet you can’t catch me!” And I was floored. They’re encouraging this????

And then I thought “Who am I to complain about this little family’s normal childrearing experience?” And then I was like WAIT. Running indoors is no special childhood privilege I experienced. I’m pretty sure “don’t run in the house” is a common rule for a lot of people. Isn’t running in the house the leading cause of hurting yourself on a coffee table corner or breaking a vase? I’m pretty sure I was scolded for that a handful of times. So I’m back at HOW DARE YOU.

But that’s not initially what I was even going to write about. I still give a lot of leniency to kids, because they don’t know better and thinking that a random parent should tell their kids not to do something problematic feels dirty even if it’s reasonable. But the DAD. He is constantly singing. He is tone deaf and an awful singer. And he just loudly sings all the time. This morning he was playing the guitar and singing “Bad, Bad Leroy Brown” and screwing it up so badly. And he does this early in the morning on weekends, or just on any day. That’s akin to blasting music all the time, which is in clear violation of decent neighbor behavior. Making loud noises is bad enough, but there’s a little something extra to someone who is clearly very, very, very bad at singing and yet does it anyway. It’s like, I’m giving my gift to the world! But you are not gifted! Stop! This isn’t “American Idol,” THIS IS MY LIFE. If you suck real bad at singing, maybe only do it sometimes, or away from where others can hear you. I mean, go ahead and record an album for all I care (in a far away recording studio), just maybe don’t do your Bob Dylan impression at 8am for the love of god.

So anyway, I cannot wait until their little daughter is like 12, or maybe even 8 or 9 and above. Because I predict she will be SO embarrassed by her dad, and then maybe he can finally feel the white hot shame he should already be feeling on a daily basis for ruining everyone’s lives.

PS - There was a period where every Saturday morning they would blast nothing but the music of Sublime.

nicepants said: to which article was it?

one about brunch

This might be my favorite comment ever.

This might be my favorite comment ever.

I misspelled “raspberry” and auto correct changed it to “rasp betty.”