December 2011
1 tag
1 tag
My New Year's Resolutions
Have at least one meaningful encounter with a rat in the subway
get a haircut
(per tradition) stay out of prison
Shit Girls Say →
natedern:
Have you seen those Shit Girls Say videos that are floating around? Watch it here if you haven’t.
What would a normal human response be to seeing those videos? To laugh and share the link with a friend? To smile politely and move on with one’s life? To find them vaguely offensive but mostly harmless?
Those all seem like reasonable responses. But if you’re me, you spend a few...
ridiculous dreams
No one likes hearing about dreams so don’t read this.
Last night I dreamt about getting the “Facebook timeline”
Last night I also had a nightmare where I was living in Mexico with a prostitute/drug dealer who was being constantly terrorized by a cartel.
Yesterday I had a genre dream, which I didn’t even think was possible (except on Gossip Girl). I was a woman named...
questions
Why does every supernatural baby have an abnormally short gestation period?
Why does my mom frown on me wearing pajamas to Target?
Thumpity thump thump
Me: If a real snowman came to life those kids would be scared out of their minds. And the government would try to take that hat.
My mom: You sound like you're speaking from experience.
I'm sorry: Buying movie tickets
Elyse: One for Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.
Me: I'll have the same thing. [Deep voice] I'll have what she's having. ... I'm sorry.
Elyse: That was really creepy.
Uh oh you guys, Shrek the Halls made me laugh out loud.
“Man, I want you to be on Fresh Air and cry because of how much you hate Terry...”
– Natalie
Fox News banter, just now
Anchor 1: There's a mistletoe shortage. No kisses this year!
Anchor 2: I've got plenty of mistletoe at my house!
Anchor 1: Well good for you!
Anchor 2: And it's been put to good use.
(ew)
“You look so fluffy and young.”
– My mom
“You don’t work on a hog farm. Or a chicken farm. Or a tomato factory. Or...”
– My mom, trying to make me feel better about my career
The cops got the guy who lit a woman on fire in... →
Here you go, Mom.
effervescence replied to your photo: A lifestyle blogger recently referred to these as…
Balls. Bulbs would be slightly tear-drop shaped, no?
No.
Really? There’s a whole world out there that says, “Bring out the balls, the Christmas balls”? No. I refuse to accept this. You were all raised by wolf men.
“There’s 4th of Julys in both of your eyes and an Easter Sunday too.”
– “Everyday’s a Holiday With You” popped up on my Christmas station.
This is what I’m talking about. Total nonsense.
I enjoy listening to Christmas songs that aren’t classics because they allow you to see what the classic Christmas songs would sound like if you hadn’t grown up with them— like total nonsense.
Like Bing Crosby singing “Christmas Is A-Comin’ (May God Bless You).” Not at all a classic.
Also, is Louie Armstrong singing “Christmas Night In Harlem” in...
Watchpurns:
jakefogelnest:
Tonight’s Xmas Treat…
Jimmy brought straight up joy to this show. So great.
I was hoping for this.
I trust nothing
I’m just catching up on the Daily Show from this week. I just saw their correction for showing a clip from the History Channel that had erroneous information in it. I’d just like to take a moment to be a dick— as a professional fact checker, I would never have used anything from the History Channel without fact checking it, especially not something with that detailed and obscure...
“BAGHDAD (AP) — After nearly nine years, 4,500 American dead and 100,000 Iraqi...”
– AP (via nicepants)
oh hi
There is a decent counter to @shitgirlssay
It’s @shitguysay, with one S. Thank you, person who does it, for alerting me. It skews a little more toward jerky “Men are from Mars” type stereotypes rather than the inane things of @shitgirlssay, but there are still some good ones like “I never get sick” and “Time to get into beast mode.”
Does anyone understand the contemporary...
You should know I’ve already consulted Wikipedia.