January 2009
“What relevance is you standing there with a lion on your hand to a singing...”
– Simon
“In an emergency, perhaps the Dalai Lama would eat me.”
– Paul McCartney
“The government already has a free program to discourage sexual activity....”
– Colbert
“If the tickle monster comes to visit there will be bloodshed.”
– Natalie
“Imaginary sex with me is better than real sex with a lot of people.”
– Anonymous roommate
TV at our house
Me: Do you guys wanna watch Jimmy Carter or should I turn to American Idol?
Response: American Idol!!!!
“Before her marriage, Juliette had suffered from chronic ear infections. She had...”
– Somehow I was researching Tiger Woods and found myself reading the life story of Juliette Low, founder of the Girl Scouts. I forgot about this freak accident. Damn, Girl.
Wow, I really just sent the following email:
Thanks, Joe! Also, I’ve just been informed that my group has decided to change our name from Ace of Space to Sprinkles. Looking forward to the show!
“If I can be a good crackhead, why can’t I be a good Christian? If I’m committed...”
– Not a fun ride on the A train this morning. I blame you, Duke Ellington.
“If at some point she revealed to me that she had a drug problem I wouldn’t...”
– Natalie (talking about yours truly)
My review of the film "Funny Face"
Audrey Hepburn is some sort of model. There’s a lot of singing and dancing. Some of the singing numbers turn into dancing numbers. Long dancing numbers. Just when you think they’re done dancing, there’ll be more singing. A new song this time. Apparently Fred Astaire is in this film as well.
Your throat swab came back positive for God hating...
I got strep throat again. But the throat pain is largely outweighed by my bitterness toward getting strep throat AGAIN. I did ungodly things to prevent this sickness. I ate an entire grapefruit. Who would do that? Who would actually eat a grapefruit? And it didn’t matter. I had to go to the doctor anyway.
The nurse, with a Batman sticker on his stethoscope and a gold Batman pendent round his...
“First of all, never badmouth synergy.”
– Jack Donaghy
“I like it when you meow TV theme songs; don’t you know that? It makes them...”
– Natalie
Don't say we don't love America
Just had a household Love Lockdown v. This-Land-is-Your-Land-sing-along mashup. Brilliant.
“Looking for a partner for book or movie script. I have personal experience with...”
– Not sure why I bother looking at Craigslist writing gig ads
“Tweens at Concert Go Nuts for Jonas Brothers, Michelle Obama, the Troops, Free...”
– Slate (tweens have very selective taste)
“She showed a group of young men and women who reported being passionately in...”
– Haha, love. No better than money or food. (NYT)
Please God, do not let me receive Star magazine
“…I do not want to receive Star magazine. It is very important that it is not delivered to me. I never subscribed to it. I was a subscriber to Radar magazine and was told I would be receiving Star as a replacement. I would rather receive nothing. Please let me know if there is anything else I must do to ensure that I will not receive Star in the mail. Thank you so much for your...
“Love is like an onion. You peel away layer after stinky layer until you’re...”
– Pete
“You couldn’t have been serious about acting for a living; you have brown...”
“You don’t need to thank me. We’re a team now. Like Batman and Robin....”
– Tracy Jordan
The 20 Worst Films Of 2008. →
hellonewworld:
peterwknox: awesome-everyday: iammattjordan:
Sex and the City: The Movie
If you’re a certified fan of this droning diva drivel, perhaps it would be best to turn away now. This is not going to be pretty. Never before has one carefully considered marketing opportunity celebrated such horrendously inappropriate behavior as unapologetic materialism, extroverted sluttiness, and...
“If scientists can’t squirt shampoo into a rabbit’s eye, then how...”
– Colbert
“There isn’t a woof-woof-love.com”
– Natalie
A poop story
Yesterday I hit an important milestone in every New Yorker, nay, every person’s life. I was pooped on by a pigeon for the very first time. I wasn’t so much grossed out or upset as I was impressed by my sense of foresight. I knew this day would come.
I’ve been crossing the street at 8th avenue and 56th street almost every day for over a year. Perched atop a streetlight, even in the dead...
a hard day's work
I should not be at work right now considering at least 25% of my day has involved running back and forth between my desk and the bathroom trying to suppress vomit. (So far it’s been a success! Nice try, Lunch.) I’m not sure what’s wrong but I’m starting to suspect I may have inherited my father’s allergy to aspartame.
Plus, I don’t have anything of real...
Mom, I wasn't on the plane that crashed, nor was I...
I knew you’d be worried. Plus reports say everyone survived!
“America needs an Indian pop star”
– Brittany
“I don’t think this is real gold because there’s a hair in it.”
“Pretty comes and goes, and doesn’t eat lunch. Funny is real, and wears whatever...”
– Eliza Skinner
“Researchers have achieved similar results by squirting oxytocin into people’s...”
– love lockdown drugs - NYT
Vice Presidential Handlers Lure Cheney Into... →
(via hellofriend)
“I forget. Bloomington bar. What’s it called? With the blue drinks?”
– Yikes I’ve forgotten college alarmingly fast.
Lessons learned from tonight's Gossip Girl
Gossip Girl doesn’t understand genetics.