Skip to minute 3:05. John Oliver reads Palin’s book to children. I laughed so much.
“I’d rather jump in lava than read this.”
Int. - Starbucks at 6th Ave and 31st St. – Day.
CRAZY MAN barges into the Starbucks mumbling under his breath and waits for the occupied bathroom. CRAZY WOMAN is sitting at a table wearing cabaret-esque makeup and a bright pink fleece with five bags of luggage.
CRAZY MAN
(to bathroom occupant) You think you’re coming out of there anytime soon? Are you gonna make me wait all day?
CRAZY WOMAN leaves her table, collects her luggage and gets in line for the bathroom. NORMAL MAN approaches her table.
NORMAL MAN
(to CRAZY WOMAN) Are you leaving?
CRAZY WOMAN
You better shut your @!#%ing mouth while you’re ahead of the game.
STARBUCKS EMPLOYEE
(to NORMAL MAN) Are you OK?
NORMAL MAN
I was just asking if she was leaving so I could sit at her table.
CRAZY WOMAN
You shut the &%$# up! Leave me alone!
CRAZY MAN
(to CRAZY WOMAN) Is he bothering you? Do you need help?
CRAZY WOMAN
Yeah, but I’m OK. Thank you.
CRAZY MAN
Do you want me to help you carry these bags?
CRAZY WOMAN
No, I’ve got it.
CRAZY MAN
Are you sure? I can just watch these for you?
CRAZY WOMAN
I said no! Leave me alone!
CRAZY MAN
You’re racist!
CRAZY MAN exits.
CRAZY WOMAN
I’m not racist!
It was looney kajooney land, let me tell you.
That isn’t to suggest that such aspirations for a Christmas or Hanukkah or New Year’s engagement are culturally contrived.
We are not permitted by law to bring in any wreaths or sap-bearing trees because they may start a fire.
You’ll know when the sprinkler system is activated because you’ll be soaking wet.
